Zoe’s Historical & Responses 12 Chosen Dates from Clueless Clarence
An autistic response to history!
Copyright © 2013 written by Zoe Hunter and Leslie Roberts
January
Friday 4
Jacob Grimm was born in 1785.
I shan’t be reading any of the Grimm’s Fairy Tales to either of my sisters’ children, only to mine, if I’m lucky, that is. I’m not best pleased with my sisters, especially Claudia, at this precise moment. My today’s entry will explain all!
February
Tuesday 19
William Kellogg invented cornflakes in 1946.
Thank you, Mr Kellogg, for such an important development in the world of breakfasts. I decided to eat a big bowl of cornflakes to celebrate!
March
Saturday 8
The first English parliament was established in 1265.
They needn’t have bothered. Waste of time, if you ask me!
April
Wednesday 16
The first parking meters appeared in London in 1957.
I wish my weekly pocket money equalled the sum of the fines which the council levy on offenders.
May
Saturday 31
Peace of Vereeniging ended the Boer War in 1902.
I always thought it was Bore War. I’m certainly bored by all wars.
June
Wednesday 18
In West Germany the old currency, the Reichsmark, was replaced by the Deutschmark in 1948.
I’d like to change all my sterling for Monopoly money. I could buy an inexpensive house in Mayfair and sell it again for a huge profit. Well, you’ve got to dream.
July
Sunday 20
In 1969 Neil Armstrong was the first man to set foot on the moon. He said, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”.
I couldn’t have put it better myself. At least the sun’s safe; nobody will ever attempt to land there. Mr Bean might have a go, though.
August
Saturday 9
The first official nudists’ beach was opened at Brighton in 1979.
I hope these selfish people realise that, if everybody followed their example, all the clothing manufacturers and retailers would go bust, there would be no need to shear sheep, who might suffocate as a result, and all the models would be unemployed.
September
Tuesday 30
Professor Alexander Fleming discovered an anti-bacterial agent which destroyed many kinds of harmful bacteria in 1928. This unassuming mould subsequently led to the introduction of the pharmaceutical drug, penicillin.
A wonderful discovery, but not for my family, I’m afraid. Both Mum and Dad are allergic to it. Sorry, Mr F.
October
Tuesday 14
In Manchester, Christabel Pankhurst and Annie Kenny were imprisoned in 1905 for demanding votes for women. This marked the move towards militancy in the suffragettes’ campaign.
It was a long journey from being thought not bright enough to put a cross on a voting slip to becoming prime minister. But they’ve made it!
November First Sunday in Advent St Andrew
Sunday 30
The first hearing aid was designed by Miller Reese Hutchison in America in 1901.
Mum says Dad only hears what he wants to hear. The rest goes out the same ear it came in.
December
Saturday 13 December
Samuel Johnson died in the city he loved in 1784.
He expressed that love when he asserted, “When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life”. I’m not at all sure he would be so enamoured if he fixed his eyes on the 21st century capital with its gridlocked traffic, forlorn shopping streets and the never-ending noise that I encountered when my sisters and I spent a few days there with Mum not long ago. I wish I’d chosen to stay at home like Dad did.